Making Living Amends in 12 Step Recovery

It is important to note that just because you have made amends does not mean that your relationships will be completely healed or return back to normal. Before completing step nine, the recovering alcoholic needs to be ready to deliver their message with the best intentions, not motivated by false expectations. However, following the Big Book, the guiding principle of step nine is to complete your full amends at the earliest opportunity, of course, only if such action is possible, proper, and will not result in additional harm. The reason why it is better to make amends earlier rather than later is based on experience and case studies.

On A Mission To End Addiction!

“Make direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.” Step 9 is another one of the 12 steps, that initially appears most difficult, but the rewards of putting this principle into practice can be immense. The spiritual principle involved is that of forgiveness, not only from others but forgiveness of self, which can bring healing to both parties. Humility is the freedom from pride or arrogance and having the quality or state of being humble. In the Ninth Step, we will focus on the spiritual principles of humility, forgiveness and love. Direct Amends – taking personal responsibility for your actions and confronting the person who you would like to reconcile with.

Comprehending Serenity and Knowing Peace

• Steps 8 and 9 help us to move out of the shame we have lived in, shame that feeds the cycle of substance use and addiction.
• I would apologize for my mistakes and pray about it to have the knowledge to not repeat my actions.
• As we become filled with love, we find the need to share it in the form of nurturing our relationships, building new ones and by selflessly sharing our recovery, our time and our resources with others in need.
• The French director Catherine Breillat has spent her career insisting on women’s agency and reclaiming taboo desires—sometimes with troubling implications.
• But by prioritizing your recovery on a daily basis and doing whatever that next right thing might be for you, you will keep moving forward in living a life of good purpose.

By embracing the 9th Step Promises, you can experience profound emotional and spiritual healing that markedly improves recovery, giving rise to a feeling of liberation and joy. They serve as a navigational tool leading to an existence characterized by liberation, joy, and tranquility. Engaging earnestly with Alcoholics Anonymous’ twelve steps brings these vows into actualization, eliciting significant transformations in our lives.

• Generally speaking, people work through the Steps of Alcohol Anonymous with an addiction treatment counselor and/or sponsor.
• It also offers others a chance to gain resolution or a deeper understanding of your recovery journey.
• Guilt and shame anchor people to their past and trap them in old ways that prevent them from growing and moving on with their lives.
• There may be times when approaching another person directly or seeking to provide restitution could be painful or harmful for that person.
• According to The Big Book, the purpose of amends is to admit, take accountability for and address the harm caused.

Careers – Join Our Team

Talk with your sponsor or others in your recovery community about what has worked for them. If your actions match your intentions and you reach out in person, you are doing the next right thing to right past wrongs. And remember, if you are feeling ashamed about mistakes made and damage done during your using days, you are not your disease. When first writing your list, don’t worry about including everyone you have wronged.

• My only goal right now is to acknowledge the harm I caused and do what I can to make amends, if that’s possible.
• The goal of this step is to find freedom by cleaning up the past to live peacefully in the present.
• When those we’ve hurt are not able or willing to accept our amends, we can still move in a positive general direction by taking intentional steps to be of service to others or making living amends.
• To fully realize the benefits of the 9th Step Promises, dedication, modesty, and readiness to atone for previous misdeeds.
• If you have a reaction to their feedback, pause and just listen then share your thoughts about this with your support system, therapist or sponsor.

Leave out the “but” and listen

• We are only in control of our part—making and living the amends.
• At Boardwalk Recovery Center, we support clients through the steps and encourage them to make amends when appropriate to restore their relationships and sense of morality.
• It takes willingness and courage to reflect on and find a resolution to your mistakes.
• We may be afraid about making financial amends, or afraid of rejection, retaliation and a host of other doubtful outcomes.

If there’s anything I can do today to make things right, please let me know. My only goal right now is to acknowledge the harm I caused and do what I can to make amends, if that’s possible. A 12-step program fosters long-term recovery through spirituality, growth, and accountability. Each step presents challenges that encourage change in mindset and behavior. Mutual Aid, peer led support groups like Alcoholics Anonymous guide members to work through these steps to maintain sobriety and help others. More often than not, step nine will be painful, but also equally freeing.

Therefore some Step Nine amends may take a little creativity and patience. Working this stepshould never lead to the further harm of others. Our sponsors can help us explore each of these concepts so that we gain perspective on the nature of our specific amends and stay focused on what we’re supposed to be doing. The key is that we keep the focus on ourselves and our “side of the street,” so to speak. This explanation is similar to that given to those to whom we owe debts.

The Importance of the 9th Step Promises

Even though we may be eager to rip the Band-Aid off and get an amend over and done with, it’s important that we are not impulsive or careless as we attempt to make amends! Some thought and planning needs to go into it for the best possible living amends outcome. On the flipside of the same AA coin, it is equally important that you don’t procrastinate making amends. Because, based on experience, many recovering individuals have relapsed when they allowed their fears to keep them from doing Step Nine. Dr. Bob, one of our original founders could not stay sober until he went around town and made amends to all those he had hurt.

Mental Health Services

When describing step nine in the big book it says that “if we are painstaking about this phase of our development we will be amazed before we are half way through”, and then it goes on to list the promises. When Jason Wahler first joined the cast of Laguna Beach as a senior in high school, his mental health and addiction struggles were already underway. His addiction also “drove me to suicide,” he revealed to Entertainment Tonight in 2016. Guilt for our wrongs can be one of the most deceptive recovery demons to bear because it damages us from the inside, where it happily hides. Get rid of that guilt; apologize, make your amends and let go of them. Well, there are no half measures, and it ain’t easy… if it were easy, everyone would be doing it!